Seiros’ apology

** Massive spoilers for Fire Emblem Three Houses, religious themes and internalised misogyny **

It’s strange when you keep getting an annoying pull to write about a specific subject and yet there’s always something hindering that wish. I don’t want to make this personal space overly heavy with walls of text because I tend to go back to older posts to recall some games and I like it to be accessible to me and to the 5 or 6 of you who read my texts for which I’m very grateful. One of the reasons I write about video games is to remember the games I’ve been playing without jumbling everything in my head like, for example, mixing character names, storylines, or having a faint memory of a game like I do with, say, Dungeon Siege II. I played it for many hours but I don’t remember anything about the story. Or Morrowind. I remember it was the darker Elder Scrolls game I’ve played. I remember emotions, not facts, feelings, not scenes.

My memory is a problem because it deceives me constantly. For example, I love Rhea from Fire Emblem Three Houses, and yet she murdered people, experimented on children (to put it mildly) is a self-proclaimed Saint and a cult leader. The negative things always come to memory. No real live Saint worthy of their station calls themselves a Saint. They couldn’t, in practice, because canonization is a posthumous act and it takes years, if not decades, to recognize. And yet, if you want to respect the canon you have to give credit to the Catholic Church, something I have a problem with, but I don’t judge those who do not. I asked myself why I would be so drawn towards a villain, but if you asked my mother she’d easily recall the times when everything I liked in movies, anime or other media, were villains.

Rhea singing the Song of the Nabateans after the ball

In the case of Rhea what attracted me the most was her power, beauty, sadness and drive. The fact that she’s a woman may have played a role. Then again, she’s fragile, old and afraid. She’s so afraid of Nemesis that her whole convo with Claude at the end of Verdant Green was extremely uncomfortable to get into. I wasn’t expecting so much hesitation and fear coming out of an antagonist, especially one that has been making the life of our main character so confusing. And yet, those who went the extra mile and married her, will be able to read one of the best apologies and love declarations Fire Emblem has ever seen. I think that my timing was perfect after four playthroughs of too much to bear. A character that develops differently across different storylines can easily fall into oblivion because it’s not expected that people invest so much time into a game replaying it constantly and I don’t remember any game with such a rich story hidden from plain sight, intentionally or not.

Sothis

Right at the start it’s clear that our villain is having many problems dealing with grief after the loss of her mother which has arisen to a goddess status. Sothis is the goddess of Fódlan and protector of the land and all its living things. She’s in fact an overpowered alien force. Many of her children were able to transform into powerful dragons, but the few that are left have lost that power, and the only one who can still summon that power is Rhea. If you consider a dragon to be akin to a god I won’t blame you. 

“Just being a woman is enough to make my wings droop, let alone the fact that I’m such a wicked one.” — Teresa of Ávila 

It’s clear that the representation of religion in video games, especially the Catholic denomination, is done in a very negative light. It’s better than the alternative, because we shouldn’t be creating works of art to convert people to what many perceive as lies and spiritual misery. A dragon Archbishop that dominates the land is a safe option for everyone. You see, faith is not the problem; you can believe in anything you want if it makes you happy – you get kudos if it’s dragons. It’s what you do with it and in its name that’s the problem. People are the problem. So, if you have any form of faith that helps you get through life and its many challenges, try to stay away from people of the same faith and don’t proselytise. Be aware of any form of organised religion and don’t listen to what other people say, especially if they came out of nowhere and aren’t a part of your safe space. Don’t let them in, ever. In case those zealots are already inside your safe space – run. There – now you’re safe to play Fire Emblem Three Houses. 

Yes, the Church of Seiros is very loosely based on the Catholic Church and Archbishop Rhea is very loosely based on the authority of the Pope. Fire Emblem Warriors Three Hopes mentioned her stance towards other forms of faith in a positive light in bits and pieces of dialogue, but that’s not important for now. Rhea’s rage at the start of the game is nothing but pure revenge against her mother’s murderer. It’s a crime of passion but not only that. She’s both a victim and a warrior. If you see the battle scene where she confronts Nemesis, the fear in her eyes is palpable. After she wins the fight, she’s an emotional wreck.

Payback

Mental illness, trauma, grief and suffering gave birth to the Church of Seiros. Since she’s a part of another species – the Nabateans – which are on the verge of extinction, there’s a sense of urgency in survival and what else works best than to dominate through faith and a system of nobility with its inception in the goddess herself? The mythology of Three Houses is complex but it’s very well explained in the Fire Emblem wiki. Those bits and pieces can elude us while we’re actually worried about the best class builds and the wiki did a good job in putting together the mythology in their Three Houses Online Bible, totally free and without pop-ups of priests asking for donations. 

The system of nobility is closely connected with the power of crests which are solely gotten by birth – and not always guaranteed – originated from the goddess and imbued with the power of dragons, corrupted by Nemesis – the glutton – at a later stage and retaining a special synergy with a matching relic weapon, giving absolute power over all non-crest-bearers and implementing a hierarchy of power and abuse. Because everyone abuses at a certain point, even Seiros. Of course none of this shitshow should be allowed to continue and someone would eventually start a revolution for the power of meritocracy, because that fallacy is still in good health in current days. The power of humans over the alien dragon, to extinguish anything that could pose a threat to what humans can do “for justice,” not before having had a taste of that very same source by stealing, pilling, destroying and abusing, like humans do so well, and fighting for that objective using the power of another set of beings – the Agarthans – by destroying, pilling and abusing until there’s a big nothing left and people can return to their lives and abusing each other in other ways. The endless cycle. 

“Do you think […] that it is an easy matter to have to do business with the world, to live in the world, and, as I have said, to live as worldly men do, and yet inwardly to be strangers to the world, and enemies of the world, like persons who are in exile – to be, in short, not men but angels?” — Teresa of Ávila 

“Or priests with a sword,” like my wife says, with a snarly tone. I prefer to use the metaphor of an army of angels and not all of them good angels, however, all of them exalting unspeakable force.

We talk a lot about religion, me and her. Not all the time, but every time we do it, we go on and on for hours. The best chats we can possibly have about religion are either with fervorous atheists like my wife or someone from another faith altogether. It helps with perspective and it exercises tolerance and curiosity. Our last one was about the origins of monotheistic religions, about Judaism – which I still know so little about – and how monotheistic religions are systems that firmly establish patriarchal values, etc. I think this is why the gender of the powerful representative of the Church of Seiros feels so out of place and absurd that’s actually exciting. However, in the eyes of the Catholic church, a woman is naturally wicked, like Teresa, in all her self-deprecating glory, earned the title of Saint, something she wouldn’t have agreed on in life. A woman that was at the mercy of “learned men” for her entire life but who was smart enough at choosing her allies.

[Such endearing words] are very effeminate; and I should not like you to be that, or even appear to be that, in any way, my daughters; I want you to be strong men. If you do all that is in you, the Lord will make you so manly that men themselves will be amazed at you. – Teresa of Ávila

I want you to transform into a dragon, like the Immaculate One.

The Knights of Seiros were the army of the Church of Seiros but none of them was especially notorious, except Jeralt which was cured with Rhea’s blood, and also Catherine whom had for Rhea a dedication and love that transcended every belief system, solely focused on the person instead of her station. I decided to pair Catherine with another lover, therefore preventing her from having the heartbreak of the century. I paired her with Shamir, a down-to-earth atheist mercenary from the Knights of Seiros whom, at the time, felt indebted to Rhea. The Archbishop herself didn’t mind the lack of devotion. It’s what happens when you need all the help you can get.

This is where my mind can go on a Saturday morning without enough cups of espresso. So, in the end, if we decide to tame the beast and defeat the antagonist, we’re able to save a woman from 1000 years of grief and solitude. In a Japanese game fashion, the power of love and dedication is enough to heal any deep wound and to redeem any misdeeds, even if they include illegal experiments to give new life to a dead goddess. The transformed body parts are akin to the relics of saints. The goddess herself – Sothis – is none the wiser, and the consequence of having to deal with a silent protagonist is a terrible lack of communication that would have breathed new life into the story had it existed in the first place.

Rhea never knew that Byleth actually saw Sothis or what conversations they were having – one-sided conversations at that – and she was clueless as to why Sothis gave her power away and annihilated herself in the process, fusing with Byleth, therefore putting her power in the hands of a human which was created to serve as a vessel – a human reliquary. What I mean is nothing was going to work as intended by Seiros in the first place. The experiment she made to bring her mother back was a sad attempt at shoving the problem under the rug, the problem being the grief and trauma of having her brothers, sisters and mother killed at the hands of humans, their bodies used to build weapons to spread more misery. A trauma that lasted for centuries and left a semblance of peace where in truth a lot of families of crest-bearers were suffering in silence, never fully aware of the origins of their predicament or the secrets of the long forgotten races of beings that once governed the land. 

In any case, Saint Seiros, the self-proclaimed Saint, which is in fact Rhea, traveled across the land to find the other children of the goddess or their descendants. She found two more family members, Cethleann and Chicol from those who were alive and still in possession of their faculties. However, as I mentioned earlier, they were more akin to humans than Nabateans because they lost their powers and their dragon forms even though they were still in possession of their crests which were very powerful. 

So Rhea along the storyline had some funny mood swings. She could be motherly and affectionate and then snap into a murderous rage. It has been the source of memes across the internet. Founding a church because of the annihilation of a people and meddling into worldly affairs from a seat of power is something very historically significant and very interesting to experience in a video game. My love for this character is much more than just the religious aspect, which interests me from an intellectual, historical and maybe spiritual perspective, but also because no other character made me write so much and think so much about these matters and about a story that’s clearly half-written and yet so gripping and relatable.

Well, in the end, I chose to marry her, and I don’t regret having a dragon anime partner. If there was a choice at the end of the game to “leave Fódlan to humans and flee on the back of your dragon,” I’d take it without further thought. Fire Emblem Three Houses is my absolute favorite game, obviously. I love it so much that every missed opportunity to expand on the lore stings a bit more than it should. I’m becoming very critical of the game every time I think about it, but not in a negative sense. I’m certain that the story will still inspire others to write about it and even expand on the lore.

This text is somewhat unfinished, and I don’t even know if I articulated properly what I wanted to convey, but I’m tired of writing about this. The writers working with Fire Emblem Three Houses did a great job with the story, even though its details are a bit scattered across Fódlan and need to be found with patience and persistence.

Yesterday, I had to crucify a man in Cyberpunk 2077. There’s no rest for wicked women like me.

Trails through frustration

There’s a nice Steam sale going on this week from XSEED and Marvelous! games. I’ve also seen a number of Bandai Namco games on sale, so I grabbed Code Vein and Tales of Arise while I was at it. They have been on sale for some time now. Time means days in Steam time. I’ve seen both games on PS+ for ages and never played them. Under the XSEED/Marvelous! banner, I bought something else.

I reacted so strongly against Trails in the Sky that I decided the best way to move on was buying another Trails game (right?!). This time, I decided to be careful. I would buy it, install it, and see if I liked it as soon as possible. We only have two hours to play and test a game before we either decide to ask for a refund or keep the game. When we run a Trails game for the first time, it displays a configuration tool, and the timer starts even when we’re only trying to figure out the appropriate config for our setup. My setup is not like a setup. It’s a laptop, so it was set up for me, which I am very grateful for. That didn’t discourage me from prying it open and upgrading my RAM because, for some reason, I decided it had to be a weekend project. Imagine the nerves. I never did that before in my life. This must be nothing to you but to me it was dangerous! You can’t imagine the obsessive preparation I did before to make up for my lack of experience. Now, I can proudly say that I’ve gained 500 XP, 100 Knowledge, 50 Endurance, and 1000 Faith.

But back to Trails. Trails in the Sky can pretty much be played in a calculator. I’m sure my Casio fx-991EX Classwiz could play the game if it wanted to. That little config tool was easy to set up, and the game was pretty much ready to go on my very old laptop, where I played it for the first time. I don’t know what I was expecting from a 2004 game. I’ve written somewhere in my first posts that I didn’t grow up playing these games. I don’t know how I should put this, but I do enjoy older games in general. I’m by no means a retro gamer, but I’m curious, and I want to learn about the millions of games I’ve overlooked. However, sometimes my body decides to reject some games, and it so happened that Trails in the Sky was one of those games.

The pastel colors and textures didn’t do any good for my sight, as I couldn’t identify many elements in the open world. During the exploration in the first town, I tried panning the camera, although the way it moved as well as the perspective gave me nausea. Traversing the town was painful, to say the least, and I was constantly losing my sense of direction because I wanted the camera to stay static, except I had to move it, either left or right, to see my characters. I tried the map, maybe it could help me, yet I found it very hard to read. I barely used it, but of course, I had to in order to complete the first quests. Navigating the dungeon (sewers?) was easy, but the combat appeared to be very convoluted. I didn’t enjoy navigating the menus, and at a certain point, I had loads of crap I didn’t know what to do with. The thing is, this was not like Shin Megami Tensei or Persona, where I didn’t know what to do, but I wanted to learn it so badly. In Sky, I just wanted it to be over with. -400 Willpower.

I pressed on and completed the quest where we had to save two or three kids. Then we had to go all the way back to the village and then home. I found my way back home (took me a while) and read the conversation between Estelle, Joshua, and their father. It was a cozy moment of respite. Our father had to depart somewhere, and we would be on our own from then on, completing quests to get stronger and wiser. I’d love to see the story through, but I decided to say my goodbyes to our father at the station before closing the game for good. It was the least I could do. I cared about those characters, but I cared more about myself. +100 Dodge.

I even read some guides without spoilers and intended to put my experience out there. I’m glad I didn’t because the Trails community can be very… passionate, especially when there’s conflict of opinions, and I didn’t have the time nor energy to deal with the consequences of my ramblings. Some kind souls on Reddit expressed the need for a full-on remake of the Sky trilogy to accommodate new players. You can only imagine the backlash. It wasn’t violent, but if you’re any good at reading between the lines, there were layers there. It’s like saying in public that you’re happy with the implementation of casual mode in Fire Emblem. Layers.

You could ask me why you want to like a game so badly? Because I lack a personality of my own. It’s because I’ve read countless words of love about the series. I wanted to partake in that love and sense of discovery and adventure. Trails games are known for their long and riveting story arcs. I don’t think it’s wrong to at least experience one of those arcs, even if it’s not the best one. Thus, I decided to dig further, comparing games, taking a closer look at screenshots, and finally going for Trails of Cold Steel on this week’s sale.

Before launching the game, I had to go through the config tool. I enjoy testing different types of settings, but I didn’t have much time. The 2 hours mark, remember? I launched the game. The first cutscene was stuttering at times. Something went wrong, the clock was ticking, I had to quit the game, enter the config tool again, and lower the MSAA. It got better with no visible loss. I just wanted to try the game to see if it was playable or if it had buildings trying to aim at my jaw. And, Seiros in heaven, it was! It’s a 3D game. I’m inside the environment with no camera or angle issues. I was never so happy to experience such an evolution! The map was readable, with zoom in/out and camera angles. The textures were fine, and due to the lighting and sharpness, I didn’t even have to squint!

I’d like to play more but it was too late yesterday. Estelle isn’t there, nor is the rural setting from Sky. I’m at a military academy, in a special class with commoners and nobles, a bit like in Three Houses. I’d like to have time to try the combat at my level. The game started some months after the initial events, so the first fight went smoothly with no issues. I tried crafts, attacks, and arts. I think it’s possible to build a nice variety of characters with buffs, debuffs, and magic attacks without freaking out about the menu navigation. Making plans is always a good sign. I’m still on the fence, though, but I found this first experience very promising.


I’ve played a bit more today and decided to keep the game. There’s only so much we can do on a Trails game before the timer runs out. There’s a lot of dialogue, and I didn’t find it necessary to skip anything. The game shows its age in terms of graphics, but everything else seems to be working just fine. Occasionally, I experienced some minor issues with character movement when I break objects, but it’s nothing serious, at least so far. I’m curious about some characters and what they have in store for our group. I only went through the normal introductions and inside the first dungeon. I experimented with the combat and familiarized myself with the ARCUS combat orbment. I’ll learn as I go, as I always do. This can be the beginning of a love story or just a good time! I’m good with either! In the end, I forgot to ask myself if I had the time to play it.

An evening with Remnant II

I’m so, so sleepy. If I could just rest my head in my desk I’d instantly fall asleep inside the most blessed darkness. I can’t say my last night’s sleep was something along those lines, though.

By the way, Happy New Year! I don’t have any gaming plans for this year or something that I’m terribly looking forward to. I’m very curious about Metaphor: ReFantazio, but that one doesn’t come out anytime soon. What I’ll be doing this year in terms of gameplay is playing the games in my backlog and dedicate a good portion of time and attention to those.

However, I still can’t control my curiosity about games outside my niche and I enjoy browsing the PC Gamepass list from time to time just to see what I can experience before it’s gone. I decided to install Remnant II because I couldn’t see myself playing it otherwise. Persona 5 Tactica is there too, but I’ll most likely buy it at a later date on Steam. Remnant II, a soulslike with guns, as people usually define it, piqued my interest. I installed it, and after a lot of trial and error in the settings to avoid some annoying stuttering, I finally made it playable.

I wasn’t ready for the level of clumsiness that came after. It’s been a while since I’ve played a souls game because those tend to drain my energy to a point that I really can’t continue. That’s in part why my Dark Souls playthrough was cut right at the end and I have no wish of returning to it. I may have one or two DLC bosses to defeat and then the final main-game boss. It’s not much, I’m right at the end as I said, but I’m not feeling it. Now I can’t go back even if I wanted to because I sold my Xbox and will eventually sell the games too.

So, out of practice, there I went into Remnant II, completely oblivious about the story. I’m 6h in and I can’t say I know what I’m doing or what the hell is going on. Even without the safety net of a detailed story or of “handholding” I’m really enjoying my time there. I’m playing as a Handler and having a pet to rely on drawing aggro and reviving me is great. I’m using my traits in vigor because that’s what I’ve learned from other souls games I’ve played, and this way I can get away with more mistakes while I’m exploring.

I started my run at the Palace Courtyard and explored a bit in that area. Then somehow ended up in Ironborough. From there, I went to Hewda’s Clock, Butcher’s Quarter and Lemark District. In the end I reached the Great Sewers. At the end of the dungeon, I met the Bloat King. I didn’t like the boss at all, not because I was getting constantly killed, but because I had to juggle between the platforming, avoid falling into the gunk and get constantly attacked by slimes while looking at the map to find a ladder to the platforms again. While ascending the ladder I would get attacked by the Bloat King and die. Fun, right? Only once I got his health at about 1% and died anyway.

I tried to keep myself on the platform right when we enter the boss arena, dodge the orbs and the projectiles they throw at me, dodge the Bloat King’s laser or whatever that is, manage to heal (healing takes a lot of time in the heat of battle) and grab some ammo in the meantime while trying to shoot the orbs and the boss. With a bit of luck and repetition I could have done it. Unless there was another option. Jolly co-op! I set my dungeon to public and waited a bit. A marvelous good Samaritan with high-end gear appeared to help me.

I couldn’t say it was easier. For some reason he was always inside the gunk at first. I couldn’t understand if he was shooting at the boss, the orbs, or the slimes. Since I was on the platform everything targeted me. I think he probably had a strategy there but I’m just a beginner. Then, he had to climb up to revive me and he did so two times. The third time I was dead for good, and he managed to kill the boss anyway. It was a mess, I’ll tell you, but all worked well in the end. After the struggle he killed himself (because I was dead) and we returned to the checkpoint, just this time it wasn’t only him there but also another person. I thought the online part of the game would work like in Elden Ring and after defeating the boss we would get separated. But no, now I was with these two players with no clue about what to do.

I’d like to stress that I don’t know how a co-op game works. I only played online a couple of times and I’m as socially awkward online as I am in person, maybe even worse. I only choose to play online when I can’t overcome a challenge, so my experience is only circumscribed to souls games, meaning killing the boss and then leaving the area. At least it was how I played Elden Ring and Bloodborne.

It seems like I was in for the ride with the other two players in an area I hadn’t explored yet. That wasn’t what I wanted since I usually check all nooks and crannies. After going somewhere that I don’t recall we ended up in the Malefic Palace. There, we found a Jester that spawned flying tarot cards, whereupon hitting the walls activated the drawings etched there and transformed them into doors. There were about six of them and all seemed to lead to the same place. We kept trying and finally got inside a room with a statue that gave me the second mask necessary to open the large door at the Palace Courtyard. I said goodbye to my fellow players because this time I really needed to, first, go to bed, and second, explore on my own for a while.

I enjoyed this session and I think I’ve made some progress. I’m terribly bad at this game so far, so I’ll keep playing it.